A New Week

Hello all.

I've got to be honest and say it's been a tough week. I've found out some challenging news from home and it's taken a toll on me. I can see hope in it; but, it's been tough not being at home, or even near home, while everything has been going on. We talk a lot about grief here, at orientation. The common theme is that many will delay the grief of leaving their families. My experience within the last week has brought my grief forward a bit. Maybe that's a good thing? One piece of advice we've been given multiple times is to write down our call, what brought us here in the first place. I feel like now maybe the time for me to do so, and maybe it should be to all of you because when we get to Estonia, you might have to remind me why I'm there after a while. So, please forgive me, it's a little long this week.

I didn't always want to do this. I thought that people leaving their families to move to another country and spread the Gospel was a little bit crazy. I know Josh felt the same way. Our idea of the people in our current line of work was that they dressed poorly and had six or seven red-headed children (which, as it turns out, is completely untrue).

My change in heart started with a friend who was going to Africa. Her heart was completely alive for missions in Africa. She spoke about it, dreamed it. Everything was Africa. It was contagious. Soon, I wanted to know what missions was all about, and I began to slowly hear the call that she was hearing. A year later, I was allowed the opportunity to go to Tanzania. I went with an odd combination of thoughts. I missed Josh, a lot. He was in Nepal at the time, and had been for around five weeks. I filtered a lot of what was happening through missing him, so it changed the experience some for me. But, what I did find, was that I loved getting to share Christ with people. I'm not big on striking up conversations with strangers, but I was allowed the opportunity to help explain the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, to someone who had never heard before. God was gracious enough to use me, someone who loves stories, to tell someone (for the first time!) the greatest love story ever told. More than that, the family we were working with was so...normal. They enjoyed normal things and related to one another so casually. It was a complete revelation to me, and even after I made it back home, it wasn't unusual to smell the smells of Africa in my head, or hear the sounds of the mosque in the morning. It just stayed with me.

For a couple years after Africa and Nepal, Josh and I were in a waiting period. It could more accurately be called a preparation period. All the while, we were letting things sink it. Every sermon I heard seemed filtered, "Go." It was persistent. I listened intently any time the topic came up. I read books about people who'd gone. I ate up the words of anyone traveling and speaking about their experiences. I didn't know where, when, or for how long. Only "Go." We finally got another chance through the NSU BCM to lead a team to Nicaragua. By that point, Josh and I were already talking to each other about the similar feeling we were having, but everything was still uncertain. When we went to Nicaragua, it was like trying missions on for size. We weren't disappointed. In our preparation for the trip, we were reading from the Gospels about how those who wish to keep their lives will lose them, but those who give them up will truly live. That's what the reality was in Nicaragua. We literally had to ditch out things on the side of the road at one point to be light enough to make it up the trail. And, it was okay. More than okay. I've never felt a more singular purpose, and that purpose was liberating. By the end of the trip, we were so sure that it scared me. As we were driving through Managua I thought, "If you do this you'll be by yourself; these friends won't be here with you. Look around, you'll be on your own among a people you won't be able to communicate with." I nearly lost all nerve then, but that night, I went outside and spoke to God: "If this is what you want, you're going to have to show me because I'm really freaking out right now." And He did. I was alone, and I felt His presence in the very air around me, and clearer than day, a star fell directly in my line of sight. I knew, with every ounce of conviction, He was communicating with me, reassuring me.

Fast forwarding a bit, that's what's brought us here. We've both since been reassured. Thoughtful words by friends and their belief in us, even how tailored God has made us for our job and the people we'll go to serve have given us both a conviction we're in the right place. But, sometimes it helps to be reminded. I hope that when I start complaining on here, or when Josh does, that you'll point me/us back to this. Remind me of whom I serve. He's kind of a big deal. Also, if you'll please pray for the family situation that I mentioned earlier. Because of the nature of the request, I don't want to say it specifically, but please pray for healing.

Grace & peace.

Megan